8 weeks left

I'm at week 32 and James is definitely getting stronger by the week. It seems like he knows when the week is about to change over towards being closer to the due date because the night before a new begins I get beat up inside. A signal telling me he's progressing perhaps? I think it's both awesome and pretty uncomfortable at the same time.

I'm beginning to freak out a little bit due to lack of funds or good luck. Due to a payroll error, my next two checks might make it to $100 each, if I'm lucky (which, as previously stated, I am not). NO idea how I'm going to pay bills, let alone save up any small amount of money towards maternity leave.

I'm going to have to tell the doctor I cannot afford to take a full maternity leave. Josh and I need to find a sitter PRONTO! If I'm still at the gym maybe I can set up a schedule that's more regular each week, but every time I say "I can't come in before 4p" or "I prefer the morning shifts on this day" I don't get scheduled at all during those days. Here's hoping they will work with me, people will book hair appointments, and I get hired someplace better by the end of my maternity leave. Even if a place will hire me and allow mt to work from home during leave I'll come in to train for free. I just want a better-paying job with benefits that's 40 hours/week, preferrably Mon-Fri.

What I really want is to be a housewife now that I'm a mother, but that is not reality (at least not yet, if ever). I just wish I could be with my baby ALL the time, especially in the beginning when he has to feed every hour or two and is developing so quickly. I get depressed thinking about everything I'm going to miss out on and I wonder how my mom did it (with TWO kids). I'm thankful I have Josh to rely on, but I am selfish and I want James all to myself as often as possible.